📝 21 August 2026

auf deutsch & in english 😘

What do you think this feels like?

My greatest dream finally came true 🤩 and it was immediately trampled underfoot 😫 It simply burst like a thin-skinned soap bubble 🫧

I’ve been scratching myself constantly these past few weeks. I’ve already developed bald patches. And Rapunzel has lost her beautiful golden hair as well 😢 Even the brainless wet wipes at the back, Hardy, O’Malley and Evans, weren’t quite right anymore, and our much-praised digestion wasn’t exactly at its best either 💩

So our Boss decided: we’re going to cook our own food 🎉🥳 Hooray ❤️

I immediately grabbed her phone and ordered myself a beautiful chef’s hat online 👨‍🍳 along with a large apron, bright red with a crown on it 👑 as befits me as the Master of Disaster here in our residence. And, of course, lots of cooking utensils.

Unfortunately, Sybille caught me in the act 😖 She snatched the phone straight out of my paws and said very sternly, “YOU are definitely not cooking.” Hello ⁉️ I put on my saddest puppy-dog eyes 🥺 the ones with the enormous round eyes, and gave a little whimper for good measure. But our Boss is made of stone, and her cold heart simply could not be softened 😫 Pff 😤 It got even worse.

Not only am I not allowed to cook, but we don’t even cook up here in my quarters. No, the actual cooking takes place at the back with the idiots, in the laundry room 😡 And there sits fat O’Malley by the window the whole time, bleating, “Yeah, it’ll be ready in a minute. Ooh, that smells good,” while shamelessly sucking up: “Oh Sybille, you’re the best.” 🤬

The smell drifting up to the front is like warm pancakes, like golden cake batter, warm and comforting, and my heart melts😋

And when I was finally allowed to sample the first batch, I knew: this was worth at least one Michelin star ⭐️

But what do I get out of it? The tiny portion I’m given wouldn’t even fill a hollow tooth. Sybille says I need to watch my weight 😤

And now I’m going to tell you the worst part. I couldn’t believe my ears, but I heard it. I heard it perfectly 🤨

The big cooking pot she mixes everything in has a very distinctive tinny sound. And I knew immediately where it was going to end up when Sybille lifted it 😱 I could hear it scraping and squeaking along the window frame before landing on the lawn with a metallic plonk, where my arch-enemy O’Malley sticks his enormous head into it to lick the entire pot clean 🤬

I don’t know what is going on here. I’ve felt bullied all my life, and it gets worse with every passing day 😭

Even my Rapunzel has broken my heart, although she keeps saying, “Hey, it’s not what you think.” But that’s what women have always said 🤨

After the Saturday walks, she simply goes and joins the rabble at the gate, then spends hours in the garden with O’Malley, Tobey and all those assorted riff-raff types. Then she comes back to the front with a blissful smile, lies down beside me on our cuddle blanket and says, “Oh, it wasn’t that great.” 😲

I simply cannot believe it. I find my life utterly tragic 😖 I’m not allowed to go on the walks, nor am I allowed into the back garden.

And why, exactly? Just because I once bit Tobey and Evans around the neck? Honestly. Our Boss is always so dramatic. They both survived 😆

But now I’ve been classified as dangerous 👿 and have to spend my days up front in my quarters, on cool marble floors and beneath the chandelier.

Well, at least the food tastes good again 🤗 And thanks to the good ingredients, my coat is shining in all its former glory 😍

Yours, completely itch-free, Bobbels 🐶❤️

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